Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Silliness Is For Sharing

The following conversation is true. The names were changed to protect the silly.

Jonathan
For clarification: a Reformed Baptist Church means one that holds to the 1689 2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith. Your soteriology may be Reformed and your sacramentology Baptistic, but if you don't hold to the 2nd LBC, you aren't a Reformed Baptist. I love John Piper, he is a great Christian, Calvinist, and Baptist, but he is not a Reformed Baptist(and, really, neither am I. My church desn't hold to the 2nd LBC)
Squirrel
I'm not "Reformed" either. All that Covenantalism and amillennialism! Blech!

Of course, there are some who say that those who are not paedobaptist, you're not "Reformed"... Everybody's got lines somewhere...
Jonathan
I'm actually historic (ie post-trib) premil, myself.
And I'd consider you Reformed, just maybe not a Reformed Baptist.
My biggest problem with you is your lack of belief in spork.
Squirrel
Well... there IS no spork.
Jonathan
I'm so sorry you are stuck in your fallacious asporkian heresy. I'll be praying for you, Squirrel.
Daniel
Can you explain to me what spork is? Also, I thought that a Calvinistic Baptist is also Reformed. Please explain this to me further. How can John Piper be a Calvinistic Baptist, but not be Reformed? I would love to know how how he himself feels about that statement. I know how to contact him if I really wanted to press the issue.
Squirrel
Daniel, the answer to your question has to do with an adherence to Covenant Theology. To be "reformed" in the minds of many, you must hold to both Calvinist soteriology and Covenant Theology. While I hold to Calvinist understanding of God's sovereignty in salvation, I am a Dispensationalist, not a Covenantalist. Therefore I am not considered "reformed" even though I'm Calvinist.

I don't know enough about Piper's theology to know why he isn't considered "reformed"
Squirrel
Oh, I forgot to explain the spork. The spork is a fictional eating utensil that combines aspects of a spoon with aspects of a fork. Legend has it that such iconic and legendary fast food restaurants as Kentucky Fried Chicken and Taco Bell actually give sporks away to diners. But, since the spork doesn't really exist, these are just fanciful tales told by travelers.

You can read more about the legendary fork here.
Daniel
Thanks for answering my questions. It was very helpful. I thought you were using spork as far as a theological position. Yes, I know what a spork is since I have been working in the public school system these last few years. The kids are given sporks to eat their lunches with.
Squirrel
There is no spork...
Daniel
Yes, there is such a thing called spork. It is a spoon that can also be used as a fork.
Jonathan
Ha, Daniel, for us, spork is a theological position.
Daniel
What theological position is that? All that I know is that I am a Calvinistic Baptist who does also hold to the Reformed theology. Squirrel did not make it as simple as you have just done. Thank you for being so clear and precise. God bless you.
Squirrel
No no, don't be taken in, Daniel! The spork is a myth and a deception! If you look on ancient maps, you see that, at the edges of known areas, the mapmakers would write, "Here there be sporks" as an indicator of the unknown.

There are no reliable historical records that indicate that the spork ever truly existed, and the spork is not mentioned in the Bible.
Daniel
I'm totally confused now! Is the spork supposed to be a theological position as Jonathan said or a supposedly geographical location as you seem to be saying? Other than this, I am not going to be in the middle of a theological or geographical battle between you two. I won't be taken in because I'm no longer interested in this whatever you call it.
Squirrel
Well, I suppose, since the spork does not exist, it can be whatever you want it to be...

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