Showing posts with label Nut Cache. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nut Cache. Show all posts

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 5/28/2011

A Saturday Nut Special!

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

Well, those nuts have been piling up for several weeks, so let's get to it!

First up, we have a story out of Chicago about a woman who felt directed to walk, naked, to the police station - with the predictable result that she got herself arrested and admitted for psychological evaluation. She told police "that spirits told her to take her clothes off and walk to the police department." A friend asked me if they were distilled spirits...

Quick note: Don't take Mommy's pot stash to school for show & tell... “Right now, I can’t speculate as to what charges might be brought against the mother,” Deputy Sheriff Chris Welborn said.

In the wake of Harold Camping's failed prediction of Judgment Day® last week. (And he's still saying that everything will end on October 21, 2011...) We'll get to go through it all over again with the Mayan thing in December of 2012. Seems like the Dutch are getting ready... because an old, failed, pagan civilization can't be wrong! Right?

I see stuff like this, and all I can think of is, "We don't pay our police officers near enough..."

I am an aircraft buff. I like flying machines. And I've always had a soft spot for the airships of bygone days. Therefore, I was overjoyed when I read that Goodyear will be replacing their signature blimps with bigger and faster honest-to-goodness Zeppelin airships! That just rocks!

Let me see if I've got this right; The monastery's abbot is described as, "A flamboyant former fashion designer," and their star attraction is a dancing nun who used to be a stripper? Is that all? I can't understand why the Pope would want to shut them down... and for, "lack of liturgical, financial and moral discipline," no less!

From the "The wicked flee when no man pursueth" department comes the story of a man who jumped into the river because he thought the police were after him. They weren't. No doubt they are now wondering why he thought they might be. Oops.

It is an undeniable fact that tourists will buy anything...

Growing up, I'd always thought that the Caped Crusader's "Gotham City" was analogous to New York. Well, it seems I was wrong. Turns out, Gotham City is really Petoskey, Michigan. At least, that's were they found Batman to be living...

I'd never even heard of a "fish pedicure" until I read this story. In light of the ongoing "Bunnygate" fiasco, I think the beauty salon is getting off easy...

That's all I've got in The Nut Cache right now. Thanks for stopping by, and keep those nuts and letters coming!

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 4/23/2011

A Saturday Nut Special!

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

I don't know about you, but I find the combination of pride and ignorance amusing. Especially when the combination is found in a governing body. You may be familiar with famous examples, like the Indiana General Assembly's attempt in 1897 to legislate the value of π. Or the 1998 motion by an Australian MP to impose a global ban on Dihydrogen Monoxide. Now, it seems, in 2011, the government of the African nation of Malawi bids to join the ranks of legislative bodies that make you go "Huh?" by making flatulence a criminal act.

Every area of the planet has it's own dangers to be watched out for. As I endure the winters in Montana, I often think that it would be nice to live someplace warm, and I imagine pastoring a church is some tropical paradise where I can wear sandals on Christmas day instead of snow boots... And then I read a story like this...

Ever since it was erected in 1886, the Statue of Liberty has stood in New York harbor as an enduring symbol of freedom. Many Americans are decedents from immigrants who's first sight of America was the view of the Statue of Liberty from the deck of a ship. And there are many of America's sons who were welcomed home from war by that same sight of Lady Liberty's upraised torch. The Statue of Liberty is such an iconic figure that it is no surprise that she has appeared on many US postage stamps. But, if you were going to issue a new postage stamp featuring a photograph of the Statue of Liberty, wouldn't it be a good idea to actually use a picture of the real Statue of Liberty? Oops!

I remember, back during the Cold War, whenever the Soviet Union bothered to publicly deny something, it was usually true. And, while the Soviet Union has been, as Ronald Reagan predicted, consigned to the "dust-bin of history" for about the last 20 years, that attitude of doubting official pronouncements by the government of Russia has stayed with me. Therefore, I really have no idea what, exactly, to make of this...

Russian Cosmonauts may not be having sex in space, and Canadian dentists don't seem to be, either. At least if their spouse is also their patient. Canadian regulations regarding physical relations between health professionals and their patients are, it seems, without exception.

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 4/14/2011

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

I always kinda wonder about people who pretend to be police officers. I have to ask if it is an ego thing? Or if it is some bid for money? Is it part of some bigger conspiracy? Or is it just the free back rubs?

Most criminals are cowards. Actually, I think a good case could be made that all criminals are cowards. If not cowards, they're certainly lazy. They are, after all, trying to get something for nothing. I wonder how this punk is going to do in jail when he explains that his robbery got foiled by, and he himself was captured by, a one-legged man...

There are a lot of weird headlines every day. I usually have my pick for the half-dozen or so articles I pick for the Nut Cache each week. There are robberies gone bad, strange occurances, all sorts of things. But it is very rare, indeed, when you come upon a headline like "Naked Man Shoots Police Robot". Yup, that's just plain odd...

April 2 is a big day in Hamilton, Ohio. It is the day of the Mid-American Soccer Classic. More than 5000 visitors attend the event each year. In an effort to move some many people in and out of the area, local police cover some stop signs and turn some streets, that are not normally, into through streets. Unfortunately, it seems that someone forgot to tell the traffic cameras... which issued $86,000 in fines that day - fines which had to be waved. Oops.

I really don't know who the bigger victim of this prank is. Is it General Electric or the Associated Press? It seems that a group, who call themselves the "Yes Men", released a phony General Electric press release that said that General Electric would be donating the $3.2 billion tax refund they received this year back to the United States Government. The Associated Press then ran with the story without fact-checking it. News organizations used to always check their sources. Legend has it that there was once a sign in the newsroom at the New York Times that said, "If your mother says she loves you, check it out!" Those days are long gone, it seems. I think the joke is on the AP.

You know, if more legeslative bodies spent more time doing things like this instead of thinking up new ways to control our lives and impinge upon our freedoms, life would be a whole lot better.

Because this took place at a nominally Roman Catholic educational institution, it caused quite a stink. If it had happened at your average secular college or university, there would be no outcry about it. In fact, it'd likely be the most popular class on campus...

It seems that I'm not alone in finding a soporific effect in President Obama's speeches...

Okay, Kids! Keep those Nuts and letters coming!

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Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 4/7/2010

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

As, I'm sure, did many of you, I grew up using a typewriter for school. There was nothing so frustrating as making mistakes in your computation of space needed for footnotes, or coming to the end of a page only to realize that you skipped a line and have to re-type the whole page. And don't even get me started on white out! I, for one, welcomed the word processor with open arms. But, it seems, what was once a bothersome but necessary part of school and office life is now a trendy "must have" for the hip set. Betcha they don't give up their MacBooks... (ht: La Shawn Barber)

Christmas is a long way off, yet, but it seems that the elf wars have already begun. The elf beer wars, to be specific. It seems that Troegs Brewing Co., makers of Mad Elf Ale are taking Bethlehem Brew Works to court. Troegs is asking the government to cancel Bethlehem's trademark registration of Rude Elf's Reserve because Troegs thinks the similarity in names will confuse the beer-buying public. Guess there's no Christmas spirit in the Christmas spirits business... Oh, why can't we all just have a beer and get along?

Here in Montana, guns are pretty much ubiquitous. Most pick-up trucks have gun racks in the back window. A high percentage of the population hunts. The state legislature debates the question of whether or not students should be allowed to have hunting rifles in their vehicles on school grounds. It's just a well-armed kinda place. Well, Steve Strand, owner of the Radio Shack in Hamilton thought he'd come up with a great promotion to boost his sales of satellite television service - a free gun with every new contract! Well, turns out Radio Shack doesn't like that idea. Well, Steve thinks that's just tough. He is still offering the free gun. You go, Steve!

From corporate bullies to union thug bullies... Union Grove, Wisconsin, businesses don't really like the tactics of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees. Seems they're threatening to boycott any business that refuses to display pro-union signs in the storefronts. The sign that the union "requested" the businesses to display had the union's logo and the caption "This Business Supports Worker's Rights". The two-page letter sent by AFSCME officials, after starting out, "It is unfortunate that you have chosen 'not' to support public workers rights in Wisconsin," ends with, "... we'd ask that you reconsider taking a sign and stance to support public employees in this community. Failure to do so will leave us no choice but do (sic) a public boycott of your business. And sorry, neutral means 'no' to those who... are union members." The union's tactics seem to be backfiring, as the businesses that were threatened with the boycott have reported receiving a lot of support from the community. If I lived in Union Grove, I know where I'd shop!

Quite some time ago, I remember hearing about a guy who was selling blue jeans that he took out and shot full of holes with a shotgun. Seems like he was kept pretty busy shooting blue jeans to keep up with the demand. Well, I wonder if gator-bit blue jeans will be the next hot fashion trend?

The school board wants to change the name. Parents don't want the name changed. And, really, why would anybody want to change the name of Witchcraft Heights Elementary School?

Don't bark at police dogs. The dogs don't like it. And, in Cincinnati, Ohio, it is against the law. Saying, "The dog started it," will not help you. Just FYI...

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 3/31/2011

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

The fans in Gloucestershire are not happy at all. It seems that, after councilors tried to institute attendance fees, to limit the ever-growing crowds of spectators (In 2009, the last time the event was held, over 15,000 people attended. Officials say the site's capacity is only 5,000 people.), were met with angry protests & even some threats, the Cooper's Hill cheese rolling has been canceled for the second year in a row. Could this be the end of a tradition is at least 200 years old? I sure hope not, the videos are just too much fun to watch!

Throughout the modern era, scientists have speculated about life on Mars. Many classic science fiction stories explore questions about life on Mars. Since the first Viking probe landed on Mars, in 1976, probe after probe has searched for life on Mars, but to no avail. Perhaps now we know why! Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez says that they were Capitalists, and that's why they died off... Okay, sure, Hugo... (And this guy runs a country?!?!!!)

I love a good practical joke! I define a practical joke as something that's funny, but causes no real damage. Somebody in South Carolina likes a good practical joke, too. It seems that, sometime late last Saturday night or early Sunday morning, a couple of road construction signs were reprogrammed to read "Caution: Zombies ahead!" (Now, of course, the signs could have been real, and the news story calling them a prank is really part of a cover-up to hide the truth of the Zombie Apocalypse from an unsuspecting public... Guard your BRAINZZZZZ)

Reprogramming a sign to warn of zombies is funny, but stealing statues is expensive vandalism... but it's also weird enough for mention in the Nut Cache. Someone in San Diego is stealing statuary. Lots of statuary. 18 statues with a total worth of $40,000+ have been reported stolen, including a 600-pound bronze moose(or "møøse"?)! Many of the statues have been metal, so scrap metal scavengers may be to blame. Or it could just be Garden Gnome Liberationists gone wild. Like I said, not funny, but weird. Very weird.

Over the last few years, many of us have reconnected with old friends from high school and college days on social media sites like Facebook and the like. But many people, it seems, try to use the internet as an escape from reality... As something... unreal? And, if there's a dollar to be made, someone is bound to figure out how. Like these people, who will create a digital girlfriend for you to interact with online. Sad and scary all at the same time, as the virtual line between fantasy and reality becomes more and more blurry for some...

From Reading, Pennsylvania, comes the story of a truck driver who's truck crash saved his life...

We can't, it seems, have a Nut Cache without a dumb criminal® story. And this one's a doosey! Free Advice to Bank Robbers: #1) Don't try to convince the bank teller that your bag of burgers is a bomb. #2) Don't present your identification to the bank teller when she asks for it. Some folks just deserve to go to jail... (HT- TucsonMom)

A Raleigh, North Carolina man wanted a stoplight put up in his neighborhood. He put together a proposal that contained a detailed analysis of why a stoplight was needed at that location. He must have done a really really good job on that proposal, because a Department of Transportation official, a state traffic engineer, has filed charges against him for, get this, "practicing engineering without a license"!!! Every once in a while, I wish I was a judge. I'd love to have this case walk into my courtroom!

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 3/24/2011

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

The desire to be more self-sufficient comes to all of us, from time to time. We think of things like putting up solar panels and windmills to generate our own electricity. We contemplate planting a vegetable garden. For many of us, such things never gets beyond the idea phase. But there are some who carry through with their ideas. People like Steven Steel of Toledo, Ohio, who raises chickens for meat and eggs, keeps bees for honey, and makes his own maple syrup from sap he harvests from the tree in front of his house. Problem was that the maple tree belonged to the city... Oops... (Oh, yeah, and Mr. Steel is a City Councilman.)

Utah -- State Animal: Rocky Mountain Elk, State Bird: California Seagull, State Cooking Pot: Dutch Oven, State Emblem: Beehive, State Fish: Bonneville Cutthroat Trout, State Flower: Sego Lily, State Folk Dance: Square Dance, State Tree: Blue Spruce, State Insect: Honey Bee, State Fossil: Allosaurus, State Firearm: The Colt M1911 pistol. Gotta love a state that has an official state firearm...

Economic times are tough right now, and, like everything else, donations to churches have been impacted. However, I don't think the fundraising method adopted by Pastor John Goodman of Houston Unity Baptist Church was a good idea. It seems he demanded that every church member give their tax refunds to the church, and, when they refused, the pastor withheld Communion. There's no word yet on the formation of a pulpit committee at this time...

On Sunday, March 13th, while worshiping at Grace Community Church, I heard John MacArthur say, "Drawing a crowd is easy; just give away money..." I don't know how to say this, but somebody needs to tell Pastor Moore of Lindenwald Baptist Church in Hamilton, Ohio, that John wasn't recommending giving away money... Oh, wait... this is the second year that Lindenwald Baptist has done the cash giveaway... Um, hey, Pastor Moore... As long as you're giving away money... Pastor Goodman down in Houston is having a fundraiser...

Here's a nutty little something from the Rodent Uprising! (HT: Fred Butler)

It seems that standards for county officials are quite low in Cuyahoga County, Ohio. Why, it turns out that there's even one guy at the county courthouse, earning $64,000-per-year, who doesn't even know what a photocopier is! Even more troubling, it seems that his lawyer wasn't quite sure what a photocopier was, either. I wonder if they were educated by good union teachers? I'm betting every homeschooled kid would be able to identify a photocopier!

I am not a lawyer, but here's some free legal advice that I doubt any lawyer I know would argue with: Don't show up to your DUI hearing drunk. And don't show up carrying a bag with 4 cans of beer in it. Just sayin'...

I got my first First Aid/CPR card when I was eight years old, and I've been a First Aid/CPR instructor for about 10 years now. I just read this article, and now I'm wondering if I need to add another unit to my next class...

It seems sometimes as if truer words were never penned...
Yes, thou shalt know, spite of thy past Distress,
And all those Ills which thou so long hast mourn'd;
Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd.
(from The Mourning Bride, William Congreve, 1697)

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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