Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 5/13/2010


The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

"'Get him!' screamed Ginger Strong in her bed slippers." Recently, I visited an emu farm. They're very large and... amusing... looking birds. They're kinda cute and goofy looking, and I understand that they taste real good, too! (Mom's got two pounds of ground emu meat in the freezer, but we've yet to try it.)It seems that they are also very very wily, as the Rock Hill Police Department recently found out.

"The wicked flee when no one is pursuing." (Proverbs 28:1) Seems that a woman in Columbus Ohio knows that feeling. She tried to rob a bank with a note, caught site of a uniformed police officer (who had no idea that a robbery was in progress) and ran away, while trying to eat her demand note. Brilliant...

So, it seems that Cinco de Mayo is not a major Mexican holiday. I'd always heard that it was Mexican Independence Day, their equivalent of the Fourth of July, but that turns out to be September 16th, Dieciséis de Septiembre. There was a battle in Mexican history, on May 5, 1862, but, in the grand scheme of things, it's a very minor battle. America celebrating Cinco de Mayo would be like Canada celebrating November 11 as a major American holiday. So, why do we celebrate Cinco de Mayo? Ask Corona Beer...

Imagine you get a phone call from your neighbor while you're at work. He says someone's digging up you yard... with a backhoe! That's what happened to Peter Collard last week. The guys who were removing trees and digging the hole for the new swimming pool, upon realizing that they were at the wrong address, packed up and left in a hurry. Police are still looking for the unidentified excavators, who did $20,000 in damage before they fled.

My eldest sister, no fan of vegetables she, has long maintained that chocolate, being made from beans, is a vegetable and is, therefore, healthy. If it's healthy and good for you, then you should eat a lot of it. Well, studies conducted at Johns Hopkins Medical Institute show that there might actually be some truth to her position.

I remember the press giving Sarah Palin a really hard time for jotting some notes on the palm of her hand before giving a speech. Well, instead of mocking her, at least one Democrat politician would have been well advised to imitate her. I doubt very much that Florida gubernatorial candidate Alex Sink will ever forget the University of Central Florida's initials ever again. Don't know if she'll ever be invited back, either.

Not really nutty, but a story that's near to my heart. My hometown is Atlanta, Georgia, but I've lived in and around Missoula, Montana, since I was 11 years old. Despite my long displacement from Atlanta, I have always remained faithful to my Atlanta Falcons football team. Locally, I'm nuts for the Montana Grizzlies. For the past two seasons, I've been able to cheer for Grizzly Kroy Beirman as he's played for my Falcons. Next year, there'll be two Grizzlies on the Falcon's rostor, as Shann Schillinger joins the defense. And it looks like Kroy might be starting next season! Go Griz! Go Falcons!

Zhao Zuohai spent 10 years in a Chinese prison knowing that he hadn't killed anyone. The police tortured a confession out of him using chili water and firecrackers. But now the provincial police have egg fu yung on their faces. It seems that the man police thought Zhao had murdered is very much alive, and seeking welfare benefits in the town where he was "murdered." This is a sad, sad story of a horrible miscarriage of justice!

I just want everybody to know that it is 2016 miles from Superior, Montana, to Cleveland, Ohio. At 60 miles per hour, it would take 30 hours and 45 minutes to drive from Superior to Cleveland one way. On Thursday, May 6th, I was seen in Missoula, Montana, by multiple people in Safeway, Walmart, and Costco. And I have receipts and bank records that show that I made purchases in Missoula, Montana, on May 6. I just want everybody to know that I've got an airtight alibi. (h.t. TurretinFan)

Keep those Nuts and letters coming!

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9 comments:

Susan said...

I DO like vegetables (carrots, corn, snow peas, green beans, lettuce, peppers, onions, potatoes, radishes, to name just a few); it's just that chocolate is my FAVORITE vegetable! :) (Just had to clear that up in case my boys ever read this; I do try to make them eat vegetables...)

Craig and Heather said...

trapped by a squirrel?

That's funny!

receipts can be faked. . .

Craig

The Squirrel said...

Craig,

I've got receipts and witnesses.

Squirrel

Tom Chantry said...

I once knew a lady in Arizona whose family had been caught up in the Payson Range War immortalized by Louis Lamoure. (She was always quick to say that Louis got the facts all wrong!)

She told me that she remembered a great-uncle of hers who had done the last killing in the Range War. He shot a man in the evening in Tempe and made certain he was seen on the streets of Globe the following morning. Since it was considered impossible to ride from Tempe to Globe in one night he was acquitted at trial.

But the family knew the story; he had stashed fresh horses at the ranches of friends along the way and galloped through the night - a feat only possible with fresh horses.

My conclusion is that your alibi is anything but air-tight.

The Squirrel said...

Tom,

I'm stickin' to my story.

Squirrel

Craig and Heather said...

Don't ya just hate it when people lock onto one part of an entire post and major on a minor point?

Craig

The Squirrel said...

Craig,

Well... it's the Nut Cache. They're kind of all "minor points," aren't they?

:o)

Squirrel

Craig and Heather said...

Wasn't minor to Zhao Zuohai!

I understand what you mean though.

Craig

The Squirrel said...

Craig,

I suppose I did include one rather serious story in with the nuts, didn't I. No, I don't think what happened to Zhao Zuohai was minor in any way at all. Guy was tortured into confessing to a murder that hadn't even happened, and then spent 10 years in prison. No, not minor.

But I still wasn't anywhere near Cleveland...

Squirrel