Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 1/13/2011

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

I've got to admit that it has been something that has puzzled me for quite some time: Where does the state legislature come up with some of those really goofy ideas they sometimes propose to turn into laws? Come on, you've wondered too... Well, Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer might just be on to something. Gov. Schweitzer has discovered that, according to state alcohol sales data, liquor sales go up in Helena, the state capital, and drop off everywhere else in the state, when the Legislature is in session. It is starting to make more sense to me, now...

I really really really don't know how well the groom missing the wedding because he was in jail would go over with most brides. The groom in question was doing sixty days in jail for violating a court ordered curfew related to public intoxication charges, but says that he plans to go through with the wedding when he gets out. My advice to the bride: Run. Run now. Run far. Don't think you can help a guy grow up. You're much better off finding a guy who is already grown up. Just a thought.

I'll admit right up front that the person involved has some pretty good mitigating circumstances: He is not native to the country, let alone the area; the weather was bad, it was snowing, and visibility was not at its best; and he is 72 years old. Having said all that, I do think getting lost and driving around for three days without stopping and asking someone where, exactly, he was, is taking the whole male "I've got it" attitude a little bit too far. His excuse? He said his sat-nav (that's Brit-speak for "GPS device") was broken. Mr. Bellazrak, please take a small piece of advice from a former truck driver and keep a good, old-fashioned paper map in the glovebox.

Now our next... guest?... has a much better excuse for not being able to find his house. You see, when he got home, his house was no longer there. Andre Hall had bought a long-vacant house on Motor Street in Pittsburgh and had been working to fix it up. The house next door was also vacant, and had been for a long time. The city had condemned the vacant house and scheduled it for demolition. When Mr. Hall got home, he found that his house, containing all of his tools and construction materials, had also been demolished, even though the city had sent a letter to the demolition contractor telling them not to demolish Mr. Hall's house ("DO NOT DEMOLISH" in nice big bold words). Mr. Hall's family was scheduled to move in in 3 weeks. I sincerely hope things work out for them. (The contractor involved is P.J. Deller, Inc., 125 Walcott Drive, Gibsonia, PA 15044 if you wanted to drop them a note...)

It is a cliché and a well-worn comic gag in television and movies, most famous, it would seem, from it's use in the 1983 movie A Christmas Story. It is also true. Yes, children, your tongues really will stick to metal poles when it is below freezing outside. A first-grader in Woodward, Oklahoma, recently found out the hard way. It seems it happens often enough that the EMT's knew exactly what to do and had the poor lad free in just a few minutes. There was "some skin loss". Ouch.

As a student, I remember wondering just how well most adults would do on some of the pop-quizzes they used to surprise us with if somebody sprung one on them without warning. Well, now we know how the Idaho State Legislature did. Tom Luna, head of Idaho's public schools, hit 27 legislators with a pop quiz will demonstrating some new equipment the state had acquired for its schools. Not everyone passed. I wonder if a check of Idaho sales records would record a similar trend in alcohol sales to those in Montana?

In Reconvilier, Switzerland, town officials are not happy about the numbers of dog owners who are not paying the annual $50 tax on dogs. In fact, so many people haven't paid that city officials want to dust off a law from 1904 that lets them... "dust off" the unlicensed pooches. That's right, it's "Pay up, or the puppy gets it." Townsfolks, it seems, like their dogs more than they like their bureaucrats; since the news of the plan got out, there have been death threats made towards the civil servants at city hall. Ah, it's a dog-eat-dog world...

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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