Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 9/30/2010


The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

Everybody likes practical clothing, right? Things like jackets with sleeves that zip off so that the jacket becomes a vast, or pants with legs that zip off to make shorts. Useful things. Practical things. Things with multiple uses. Things like… A bra they can be used as a gas mask. Yes, that’s right, a gas mask. Actually, two gas masks. Yes, it’s the Emergency Bra! For just $29.95 you can have a bra that, in an emergency, can be converted into two gas masks. Who knows, it might be a bestseller, or it may just be a bust…

OK, so this one’s funny. Its last Thursday morning, and I’m sitting in my office. I am taking a break from my studies and my sermon preparation and I’m reading through the wire services (I’m always looking for stuff for the Nut Cache) and I see this story on the AP from the town where I went to high school; Frenchtown, Montana. It’s a story about a woman who drove off a bear with a zucchini. Well, immediately I went to the Missoulian’s website to get the local story… They got nothing. A couple hours later it pops up on the BBC’s feed, but still nothing at the Missoulian. About an hour after the BBC had the story, it finally shows up on the Missoulian’s web page… As a reprint of the original AP wire story! The next day, the Missoulian did finally have a local story about the bear and the zucchini. It’s a strange world where a story like that shows up and London before it shows up just 20 miles away!

I guess it’s an instinct that when you’re scared you run to some place where you feel safe. Birds head for the sky, animals head for their burrows, little kids run for home, and drug dealers, it seems, head for their stash… which just may not be the best place to run to when the cops are after you. It seems that two California drug dealers led the police straight to the warehouse where some 700 pounds of marijuana was being processed by 17 other people. OK, say it with me, “That’s why they call it ‘dope’!”

And here is another dopey story. It seems that the operator of an illegal marijuana growing operation is suing the landlord of the property he was renting and where he was operating the aforementioned illegal marijuana farm. It seems that, according to the complaint, the landlord failed to provide adequate security for the premises where the pot was being grown. It seems that the building got burglarized, and $35,000 worth of marijuana was stolen. The farmer claims that he was growing the pot for medical uses, but it seems he did not have any of the necessary licenses or authorizations required to be a legal medical marijuana producer. It will be interesting to see how this case turns out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the court determined that he was just blowing smoke…

The man comes home after an evening at the pub and having consumed perhaps a pint or two too many and tells his wife that there is a pink cat in the yard. Of course, the man’s wife easily dismisses the report of a pink cat in the yard as the ravings of a man who has consumed perhaps a pint or two too many. But, alas, the pink cat was very real. At first it was assumed that the colored kitty was the victim of some sort of prank (perhaps by some deranged communist?). Veterinarians who examined the animal determined her to be quite healthy, happy, and friendly to people. They also determined that the dye job had been done quite careful and skillfully – not exactly the work you expect from some prankster. Well it turns out that the cat, whose name, we now know, is “Oi! Kitty”, is the beloved pet of 22-year-old Natasha Gregory, who just happens to be inordinately fond of the color pink. Officials have determined that there was no abuse of the animal in this case, and so “Oi! Kitty” is now happily reunited with her owner, Natasha Gregory, and everything is just in the pink

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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2 comments:

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Oh you are punny today, Mr. Squirrel!

I'm cracking up at all your stories, but especially the Emergency Bra! And did you see, the inventor is contemplating a "counterpart device for men"? Hmmm, I don't want to be crude, but I'm wondering who would want to put that on their face...

It's a nutty morning,

Julie

Lydia said...

Pink cat redux:

I once had a spotted pink dog. My vet told me to give my fluffy white Bichon some pepto bismal for a stomach condition. I was to load a medicine injector and cram it down his throat. The fight ensued and the result was a pink and sticky dog. I had no idea that stuff would stain his coat.

I even sheared him to a crew cut but he was still spotted pink. The amazing thing is that he seemed to know this and hide himself for weeks in shame.