Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 3/18/10

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

First, we begin with an update. In a previous Nut Cache, we had the story of the brutal meat-thermometer attack. If you recall, a man was attacked after complaining about a woman talking on her cell phone during a movie. Well, looks like a suspect has been arrested. I'll keep tracking this one, as I'm hoping to find out just why someone would be packing a meat thermometer in the first place...

I remember my Dad telling me that you are much more likely to be killed this way then you are to win the lottery. I don't play the lottery, and I admit I've never really worried about having a plane crash on top of me... until now. It is sad, the jogger left behind a wife and two kids, please say a prayer for his family.

Parking regulations should join death and taxes on the list of things that you will never avoid. All sorts of jokes are coming to mind as I read this story, but the writers of the New York Daily News already used most of the really funny ones...

If you've spent any time driving, you've had a flat tire or two. No fun. And, if you've ever watched a high-speed chase on CNN or Fox News, they you're probably familur with a device called a spike stip, used by police officers to flatten the tires of fleeing bad guys. All well and good. But what happens when the "tire deflation device" decides to deploy itself? Nothing good, that's for sure!

Rule #1 -- Do not drink and drive.
Rule #2 -- If you do drink and drive, then don't get caught.
Rule #3 -- If you do drink and drive, and you do get caught, then don't show up for your court date so drunk you can't stand up in the courtroom. Judges tend to frown on this.

Did you know that Queen Elezabeth II invented the Telephone? It seems that the British educational system is just as flawed as the American educational system. At least, here in America, we all know that the first man on the moon was Captain William "Buck" Rogers!

So, you want to get high, but you don't want to be alone. So, you text a few friends and invite them over to share your drugs. I mean, it's good to share, right? Only, you really ought to make sure that the phone number you text your invite to actually belongs to your friend, and not to a member of the Distirct III Drug Task Force. Say it with me, "That's why they call it 'Dope'!"

That's all the Nuts I've gathered for this week. Until next time...

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