Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 10/28/2010

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

Have you ever thought that the police might be looking for you? Have you ever had occasion to wonder if that police officer was looking at you just a little too long? 44-year-old Selma Elmore was wondering that, so she stopped police officer Dan Lyons to find out. Yes, in fact, there was a warrant out for Selma Elmore’s arrest. When informed that she was, indeed, wanted for failure to pay fines owed for an earlier drug-related conviction, Ms. Elmore took off running. She didn’t get far. You can’t make this stuff up!

Attention all cars! Attention all cars! Be on the lookout for Fred’s Franks hotdog stand, last seen in the parking lot of Orangeburg General Auto Repairs on Route 303. The hotdog stand is a 10-foot-long and 7-foot-wide stainless steel trailer…” Fred Martucci, owner of Fred’s Franks, showed up to work on October first to find that his hotdog stand was just gone. Security camera footage showed that, during the night, 3 men in a grey pick-up had pulled up, cut the anchor chain, and driven away with Fred’s stand. The stolen hotdog stand has yet to be located, and insurance delays have kept Fred from replacing it, yet. But donations have allowed Fred to reopen with a push cart… which he takes home every night…

I don’t know about you, but I always get a little bit uncomfortable when I see someone sitting at my desk. And even more so when I see that the person who is sitting at my desk is using my computer. This recently occurred to a man in Oklahoma City, who returned from work to find an unknown man sitting at his desk and using his computer. To make things worse, the man who was sitting at his desk and using his computer had no clothes on. Yup, he came back from lunch to find a naked man sitting at his desk and surfing the internet on his computer… If it was me, I would be requisitioning a new chair, a new mouse, and a new keyboard very quickly…

From naked office work to naked work outs… Early on the morning of Monday, October 11, West Melbourne, Florida police received reports of a man running in the nude. Now, I know Florida gets hot and humid, even at 7am on an October morning, but jogging up a residential street au natural still isn’t a very good idea… nor is it legal. Failing to “pull over” when asked to by police, Mr. Naked Runner met Mr. Taser. Really, whatever made him think naked jogging was an acceptable activity?

The Little Old Lady from Rhododendron? In 1964, Jan and Dean released the classic hit song “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena” about an elderly woman who was an expert street racer and drove a Super Stock Dodge. In 1964, Marcia Brandon would have been 36. Maybe Marcia Brandon, of Rhododendron, OR, was a fan of that song. Who knows? But what we do know is that Marcia Brandon drives a screamin’ 2005 Pontiac Bonneville! Marcia, now 82, was clocked at, and ticketed for, 110 mph in a 55 mph zone on Highway 26. It was only a matter of time, after all… Well, she's gonna get a ticket now sooner or later - 'Cause she can't keep her foot off the accelerator - Go granny, go granny, go granny go

From a hot-rod granny to a potted granny... Wait… You sold Grandma?!? Yard sales can be dangerous, and this is one sale that Piper Gaffrey’s husband will have a hard time living down. You see, that potted violet he sold wasn’t supposed to be for sale. In fact, mixed with the soil that the violet was planted in were the ashes of Piper’s grandmother, Marge. All is well that ends well, as Piper’s Facebook lament that Granny had been sold resulted in the return of the memorial violet.

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

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