Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 5/17/2010


The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

911 is who you should call in an emergency, and 911 is often involved with manhunts, and I've heard of people calling 911 looking for their husbands, but I've never heard of anyone calling 911 for help finding a husband. Seems that Audrey Scott, of Alliance, Ohio had 911 confused with eHarmony...

I've got to wonder what first made the police suspicious? Was it the truck loads of Cheez Whiz, Doritos corn chips, and Hostess Cupcakes being delivered each week? Was it the fact that Sister Mary Agnes was giggling every time she would answer the phone? Was one of the sisters overheard referring to the Pope as "that Benny dude"? Well, for whatever reason, the police searched the convent garden, and found that the sisters where growing more then sweet peas...

You go through a lot of fast food drive-ups, and there will be a certain percentage of messed up orders. It's hard to hear the orders over the noise of traffic & car radios coming through the headset on the one hand, and the kitchen noise on the other. Stuff is going to get messed up. Also, most of your fast-food workers are young people, working their first jobs. Well, mistakes at a Wendy's drive-through led to a reenactment of the food fight scene from Animal House. "Police said employees blamed the fight on a 'communication breakdown.'"

Most people don't think of books as valuable. Then again, most folks don't read. Rare books can fetch a high price, and the libraries of old schools are filled with rare books. These can attract your more discriminating thieves. Now discriminating thieves don't use knives or guns or strong-arm tactics. No, discriminating thieves use art and skill and misdirection to make off with the goods. Like this bloke in Rome, who disguised himself as a priest to try to steal 25,000-euros worth of books from a seminary library. He was so good at playing the role of a priest that he gave the cops who arrested him a blessing. Maybe he missed his calling...

I've been to Canada, and I've got some Canadian friends (as well as American friends trapped in Canada against their wills), and Canadians are a bit... strange by American standards. Maybe it's all the møøse meat they eat. Anyway, it seems that "two Canadian men attended a church festival and wound up in the woods drunk, naked and covered in mud." What kind of church festival? Not like any church festival I've ever been around, I'll tell you that! You just can't make this stuff up...

You let one in, and, pretty soon, the whole neighborhood is overrun with them. And that leads to all sorts of problems. “They're just running all over the neighborhood,” one resident said. Soon, you just don't feel safe in your own yard or driveway. It could soon come to violence. One man said, “I don't swerve to hit them, but if they're in my way look out." Yeah, the whole mess is for the birds...

First, they banned smoking from public conveyances. Then they banned smoking from restaurants, then from bars and casinos. Now they're banning smoking from museums. What's that? You say they did that a while ago? Oh, I'm not talking about the museum's patrons. I'm talking about the historical figures on display! It seems that Winston Churchill's cigars are not welcome. In photographs. They've been airbrushed out. Really.

I saved the best for last this week! Do you have irrational phobias of any sort? Something which scares you to the point where you can't function? A teacher in Germany has such a fear, and her students found out about it. One student, now being charged with harassment, drew a picture of the object of her teacher's fear on the blackboard at the school. "Marion V., who teaches German and Geography, refuses to say if she is actually afraid of rabbits. But when she walked into the classroom and spotted the drawing on the board she burst into tears and fled." Maybe she was traumatized by a viewing of Monty Python & the Holy Grail at a young age?

And the Nuts just keep piling up...

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3 comments:

Rabbit said...

I'm hurt and saddened. Leporiphobia is based on prejudice and misunderstanding...as if we are foul, cruel, bad-tempered rodents with vicious streaks a mile wide, killing with our huge, sharp teeth and leaving nothing but bones. Somebody tell that teacher, it's just a harmless little bunny....

Herding Grasshoppers said...

... with nasty big pointy teeth!

Unlike our delightful little Podger :D

I have a solution for the turkeys in Spokane. Call me in November.

Julie

Craig and Heather said...

I thought you went through the drive through when you were in a hurry. Seems like these folks had a bit of a delay. . .

Turkeys! I'm glad he didn't drop off ostriches!

Those waskly wabbits!

Craig