Family Radio's Camping's Trip

(NOTE: For detailed information on the errors that Harold Camping is teaching, check out Alpha & Omega Ministries' Family Radio Resource List)

As no doubt many of you already know, Harold Camping has, through a tortured process of numerologically gymnastical scripture-twisting, determined that this Saturday, May 21, 2011, is Judgment Day®. Billboards announcing the event are blazoned with "the Bible guarantees it!" Vans and RVs have been crossing the country with bright warnings of impending doom painted on the sides. I just heard Camping say last night (No, I don't normally listen to Family Radio. But this week is... special.) that the rapture and a great earthquake will hit each timezone at 6pm standard /7pm daylight.

I'm writing this post to go officially on record with my prediction that Harold Camping is totally wrong in regards to the timing of the return of Jesus. The odds are that nothing out of the ordinary, supernaturally speaking, is going to occur on May 21st.

Just as Camping bases his prediction on the Bible, I also base my prediction on the Bible. Whereas Camping pulls numbers from totally unrelated passages all over the Bible, I can base my prediction that Camping is wrong on just a few verses - All direct quotes from Jesus Himself, and all in the context of Jesus teaching about His return!

Matthew 24:36 "But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only."

Matthew 24:42 "Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming."

Matthew 24:44 "Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."

Matthew 25:13 "Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour."

Mark 13:32-33 "But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. (33) Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come."

Acts 1:7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority."

Now, as Pastor Jim McClarty is fond of saying, "Wherever you and the Bible disagree, one of you is wrong. And it is you." So Harold Camping is clearly wrong. And Saturday will just confirm what we already know.

Well, Camping has been wrong before. He predicted that the world would end on September 11, 1994. When it didn't, he explained himself by saying he had not studied the book of Jeremiah before making that prediction. Well, okay, then. That explains it...

So what will Camping's followers do when events show that he was wrong yet again?

I expect that some, finding themselves still here on May 22, may decide to leave this world by their own hands. This saddens me, but I do expect there will be some. There doesn't seem to be any sort of organized plans for a mass exodus, ala Marshall Applewhite, but I would not be shocked to hear of individual Campingites suiciding over this, especially those who've emptied their savings to pay for the billboards and newspaper ads and whatnot.

Others, having believing that Camping read the Bible right, and, therefore, that it is the Bible that is wrong, will turn away from anything to do with the Bible at all. After all, "The Bible Guarantees It." I expect that James White is correct, when he says that we will soon see atheist groups pushing broke and disillusioned ex-Campingites as spokespeople for "the destructiveness of Christianity." Already, Atheists are mocking all Christians because of Camping's kooky predictions.

Some will simply act like nothing happened at all. Back in 1980, the Baha'i predicted the end of the world. A couple I knew were Baha'i and were very vocal about the prediction. After the date passed without incident, they just refused to talk about it at all. Ever. If anybody brought it up, they would walk away or leave the room. They'd do anything but acknowledge the failed prediction. I expect many of Camping's followers are about to learn a new phrase; "Harold who?"

But, after all is said and done, Saturday, May 21, 2011, will not be the end of Camping's teachings.

You see, back in 1822, a Baptist preacher in Vermont by the name of William Miller started a movement when he began teaching that Christ would return October 22, 1844. Well, when October 22, 1844 came and went, many left the movement. But some didn't.

One of these Millerites, a young girl named Ellen, claimed to receive visions from God that explained how Miller had been right after all. Miller had gotten the date right, he'd just gotten the event wrong. Jesus, it seems, was beginning His "Investigative Judgment" in 1844, and would return physically when He was done. And, thus, the Seventh Day Adventists were born.

All Camping's teachings need to gain new life and continue deceiving people for years to come is someone to play Ellen G. White to his William Miller.

So, what should be the Biblical Christian's response? The Bible does, after all, say that Jesus will return. How do we respond to those who would lump us in with the Campingites and other fringe groups? Our response should be same response we should ever have to any false teacher - the Truth!

Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. (2 Timothy 4:2)

We should correct error by patiently teaching what the Scriptures actually say. It is simple, but it will not always be easy.

P.S. - See you Sunday, May 22, in church!

With Friends Like These...

So, it was Day One at the Shepherds' Conference, and I was settling into my seat in the Grace Community Church Worship Center for Tom Pennington's session, when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket...

I pulled it out, and read this:

@Phil_Johnson_
Phil Johnson
Glad @Shinar_Squirrel made it to the conference. #ShepConf

I chuckled, amused at Phil's tweet, and happy that my picture with John MacArthur was entertaining folks so much.

I had just started to return my phone to my pocket, when I felt it vibrating in my hand. (Yes, it was on "vibrate." I was in church, after all.) I flipped it open again, and read this:

@DrOakley1689
James White
@Phil_Johnson_ I warned him about the charismatic stuff. He doesn't listen well. Throw him some @Chick-fil-A

Okay, this was getting funny. Before I'd even started to put my phone away, it vibrated again...

@Phil_Johnson_
Phil Johnson
@DrOakley1689 He'll get an In'n'Out burger for lunch tomorrow. That'll help, too, I'm sure.

Now I didn't even try to put my phone away, at this point. I knew there was going to be more to come. Sure enough...

@DrOakley1689
James White
@Phil_Johnson_ I just feed him nuts, after all. Maybe that's why he's with you, not me? :-)

@Phil_Johnson_
Phil Johnson
@DrOakley1689 Are you in SoCal yet? You should come over on Friday. Lunch or dinner; your choice.

@DrOakley1689
James White
@Phil_Johnson_ No, not there till Friday afternoon. I'm speaking Friday evening, too.

@Phil_Johnson_
Phil Johnson
@DrOakley1689 Bummer

Okay, even I didn't see what was coming next...

@DrOakley1689
James White
@Phil_Johnson_ Hey, if you offered me a real delicacy, like, I don't know, deep fried Squirrel? Might try to make that! :-)

At this point, I have no choice but to reply...

@Shinar_Squirrel
Gene Clyatt
@Phil_Johnson_ @DrOakley1689 I feel kinda picked on :-)

And, now, everybody had to get in on the act...

@ralphprovance
Ralph Provance
@DrOakley1689 I eat squirrel. You need six for a pot-pie!
@Phil_Johnson_ @Shinar_Squirrel

@DrOakley1689
James White
@ralphprovance Six? Well, that would depend on the SIZE of the @Shinar_Squirrel. I've seen one really big sample of that species!

@ralphprovance
Ralph Provance
@DrOakley1689 Pennsylvania squirrels are smaller than the ones they grow in Montana! :-) @Shinar_Squirrel

Gladly, it ended there. I was trying to prepare my heart to worship, y'know...

The next day I got to meet Phil in person. He said he had been prepared to continue tweeting and tell James about some barbaric place where they eat squirrel brains, but he didn't want to offend me. Well, at least someone tried to take my feelings into account...

I'm Not TurretinFan

Or am I?

Maybe I played him on TV?

With that, I am... (maybe)

TurretinFan

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 3/4/2010

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

This article describes a terrible brutal attack. That isn't amusing at all. But, if you read all the way through to the end, you'll see that the jailers have had to turn away this guy's patients while he's been in jail. Talk about patient loyalty!

Why don't we stay in jail for the next nut. In fact, let us stay in Kentucky. I'm pretty much in favor of the 2nd Amendment rights of individuals, but, having said that, I admit that there are some people who should never be given a gun... or a badge and a gun.

Oh, sure. One more jail story! Jail is not where you want to spend your wedding night. My advice? Do not get drunk and try to drive over your new spouse's old lovers. Just sayin'...


And the Rodent Uprising continues. While many of our UK cousins might think that their Parliament, like our Congress, is full of rats, it turns out that the place the rats are meeting is actually infested with mice. Actually, the problem seems to be with the whole of London's West End.

Who knew? But there seem to have been a whole rash of attacks by lost Emus. (See here & here) From Pennsylvania to Texas, these large, flightless birds have been causing havoc. Most have been Tazed and captured, but at least one emu in Texas has died. I'd say, "Watch the skies!" but they are flightless birds, so, "Watch the... highways!"

Enough nuttiness for now! Until next time...

Auto-echtomy

The Automobile has been removed from the back wall of the garage, and the repairs of the garage have begun. All in all, it looks like everything is headed for a happy ending.

Here's a good picture showing the bracing to keep the roof from collapsing. The wall that the car drove through is a bearing wall that supports the garage roof, so this was important to do.

Here you can see the cables from the tow truck to the car. We are ready for extraction.

Here is the tank commander with her tank. She got the car back from the shop today, no major damage, just some dents and scrapes! The cracked windshield will be replaced on Friday.

Here is a picture of the hole after the car has been removed. Mom and I discussed that this would actually be a real nice place for a picture window...

The contractors (Greg McCue, McCue Construction, Missoula MT) quickly got the new wall framed in and sheeted. The electrician will be here Thursday to replace the outside light and the wall outlet.

And here's the outside, ready for the installation of siding.

When Brakes Fail...

I was just getting ready for bed, was in bed, actually, when I felt the whole house shake. Then my Mom yelled down the stairs to our basement bedroom that my daughter had driven though the back wall of the garage. Mrs Squirrel and I threw on some clothes and ran outside to see the nose of Mandy's car sticking through the back wall of the garage and a very shaken Mandy sitting in the driver's seat with an amusingly stunned look on her face.


The driveway is steeply sloped downhill from the street to the garage, and her brakes failed on the hill. As it would happen, she had already hit the button to open the garage door (although I imagine replacing the door would have been less expensive then rebuilding the back wall.) It's also a good thing that Mandy parks in the end slot, as the other two parking places back up on the laundry room, and if she'd driven through that wall, she'd have been parking her car inside the house.



There were no injuries, and the damage could have been a lot worse. We have to wait until we get a contractor to shore up the wall before we can tow the car out. Then we'll have to assess the damage to both. But God is good, and, ultimately, this is a minor incident and easily reparable. This is why we pay those insurance premiums each month, right?

Slick New Ads - Same Old Loons

Just last week, I noticed that the "Church" of Scientology has new television adds. These adds are professionally produced, well written, and beautifully shot. The new adds are definitely a huge step up from the cartoon volcano I remember from the Dianetics (I'm pleased to see that "Dianetics" is not included in my spell-check dictionary) adds of the 80's.



I'm not going to embed the adds. If you haven't seen them, they can be found here.

Scientology was started back in the 1950's by hack science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. In my opinion, Hubbard never could write his way out of a wet paper bag. I read Battlefield Earth when I was in high school, and I'd love to have those hours back. It was painful. And the doctrines and beliefs of Scientology also read like painfully bad science fiction.

For instance, Earth, which is actually the planet Teegeeack, was set up some 75 million years ago as an interstellar prison by Xenu, the Evil Galactic Overlord (not to be confused with Xena, Warrior Princess.) (Want to do something fun? Google "evil galactic overlord" and count how many hits are related to Scientology!) According to Scientology, we are all still prisoners of Xenu, doomed to endless reincarnation, until we realize that we are really god-like galactic beings, called "Thetans." Sad that people buy into this stuff.

It is well known that Scientology deliberately targets prominent people, such as actors like John Travolta and Tom Cruise. Founder Hubbard desired to use such "Opinion Leaders" as "Social Proof" for Scientology. (Read an ex-Scientologist's description of the recruitment process here.) These prominent people become the celebrity spokesmen of the cult.

Scientology is also very harsh against critics. In 1994, The Washington Post published this article, detailing many of Scientology's tactics for silencing opposition. This is a long expose, but well worth the reading.

This is a scary group, secretive and with their own quasi-military arm, the Sea Organization. Scientology has been repeatedly exposed as an abusive, manipulative group. Their website (follow link at your own risk) claims that they are undergoing huge growth, but their innate secrecy makes that hard to confirm.

In addition to their new ad campaign, Scientology has been very much in the news lately, with an expose series in the St. Petersburg Times, and fraud charges against the "church" in France. There have long been efforts to ban Scientology in Germany, where it is not recognized as a religion, but as a "commercial entity."

Scientology is just more evidence that, once someone rejects the truth of God and the Bible (see Romans 1:28), the only question left is, "Which lie will they believe?"