The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 6/24/2010

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

The vuvuzela. Magic horn of the World Cup. Bane of television sound techs. Now it seems that the Archbishop of Westminster, the chief Roman Catholic official in England and Wales, wants good English Romanists to please not subject the Pope to vuvzelas when he visits the UK in September. "I have had enough of them already," says the Archbishop. "I hope they stay in South Africa. Personally, I think the football would be more enjoyable without this constant cacophony." On this, the Archbishop and I agree.

Alcohol doesn't mix with a lot of things. It's a safety issue. People should not drive automobiles, fly aircraft, nor operate heavy equipment while under the influence of alcohol. Nor should they really engage in scientific experimentation. Specifically, drunk people should not conceive of, nor participate in, experiments involving the use of projectile weaponry for the purpose of determining just how much getting shot hurts. It hurts, just leave it at that.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest, otherwise known as "The Food Police," consist of 5 or 6 people with a fax machine who constantly send out news bulletins telling us how unhealthy movie theater popcorn is for us. They are behind the push to ban certain foods, like the trans-fat ban in New York City. They, of course, do all of this "for our own good." (Of course, nobody ever tries to get laws passed in order to stop themselves from doing something? They always want to stop other people from doing something that they don't like.) Well, The Center for Science in the Public Interest now wants to sue McDonald's for including toys in their "Happy Meals." See, parents are not able to decide what their kids are allowed to eat, nor what toys they can play with, it seems. Bunch of busybodies...

When I was a young boy, an army survival instructor told me, "Anything that walks, crawls, or flies is edible." That has been reinforced by my study of the Bible, where we read, "Every moving thing that is alive shall be food for you; I give all to you..." (Genesis 9:3) Rush Limbaugh has long said that, if you want to save some endangered species, put it on the menu, since nobody ever worries about shortages of cows or chickens. Some, it seems, are not so enlightened. A restaurant in Arizona has "received a bomb threat and more than 250 angry e-mails from animal rights groups," for putting a lion burger on the menu. I don't know if The Center for Science in the Public Interest has issued any opinions as to the healthiness of lion meat...

And the Nuttiness goes on and on...

The Squirrel Can Cook – Oven-browned ‘Taters & Onions

I remember back in home economics class, how they taught us to plan out our menus, make up a shopping list based on that menu, and shop just for what we needed. "Organization is the key to a happy kitchen."

And they are right, it is good to work from a plan. You know what you are going to do and you know what you need when you go to the store. If you do that every week, you get a gold star. The rest of us live in the real world.

Sometimes the pantry is bare, and you still need something to eat. You look around; you’ve got a few potatoes, an onion or two, and some leftover ham. What are you going to do? Order out for Chinese? No, you improvise! Why not whip up a batch of the Squirrel’s Oven-browned ‘Taters & Onions?

Today’s ingredients are:

6 small (tennis ball sized) red potatoes, cut into ½ inch cubes
1 large yellow onion, diced
3 tablespoons of Olive oil
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
½ cup of diced ham (optional)

Preheat you oven to 350 degrees.


Put the olive oil and the garlic powder into a large mixing bowl. Add the potatoes and onions and toss until well-coated with oil and garlic.


Spread the potatoes and onions out evenly on a large baking sheet. (A jelly-roll type pan works best. Sides are your friends.) Place on middle rack of the oven for 20 minutes.


After about 20 minutes, remove from the oven and turn everything over. (No, don’t dump it on the floor! Turn it over in the pan.)


If you are adding ham, now is the time. Place the ham evenly on top of the potatoes and onions after turning. Return to the oven for another 15 to 25 minutes, or until nicely browned.


You can serve this as a simple meal, or it is great as a side dish. Enjoy!

The Squirrel shall not live by bread NUTS alone!

The Squirrel's Nut Cache - 5/17/2010

The Nut Cache - a collection of recent things I found interesting, or amusing, or nutworthy.

911 is who you should call in an emergency, and 911 is often involved with manhunts, and I've heard of people calling 911 looking for their husbands, but I've never heard of anyone calling 911 for help finding a husband. Seems that Audrey Scott, of Alliance, Ohio had 911 confused with eHarmony...

I've got to wonder what first made the police suspicious? Was it the truck loads of Cheez Whiz, Doritos corn chips, and Hostess Cupcakes being delivered each week? Was it the fact that Sister Mary Agnes was giggling every time she would answer the phone? Was one of the sisters overheard referring to the Pope as "that Benny dude"? Well, for whatever reason, the police searched the convent garden, and found that the sisters where growing more then sweet peas...

You go through a lot of fast food drive-ups, and there will be a certain percentage of messed up orders. It's hard to hear the orders over the noise of traffic & car radios coming through the headset on the one hand, and the kitchen noise on the other. Stuff is going to get messed up. Also, most of your fast-food workers are young people, working their first jobs. Well, mistakes at a Wendy's drive-through led to a reenactment of the food fight scene from Animal House. "Police said employees blamed the fight on a 'communication breakdown.'"

Most people don't think of books as valuable. Then again, most folks don't read. Rare books can fetch a high price, and the libraries of old schools are filled with rare books. These can attract your more discriminating thieves. Now discriminating thieves don't use knives or guns or strong-arm tactics. No, discriminating thieves use art and skill and misdirection to make off with the goods. Like this bloke in Rome, who disguised himself as a priest to try to steal 25,000-euros worth of books from a seminary library. He was so good at playing the role of a priest that he gave the cops who arrested him a blessing. Maybe he missed his calling...

I've been to Canada, and I've got some Canadian friends (as well as American friends trapped in Canada against their wills), and Canadians are a bit... strange by American standards. Maybe it's all the møøse meat they eat. Anyway, it seems that "two Canadian men attended a church festival and wound up in the woods drunk, naked and covered in mud." What kind of church festival? Not like any church festival I've ever been around, I'll tell you that! You just can't make this stuff up...

You let one in, and, pretty soon, the whole neighborhood is overrun with them. And that leads to all sorts of problems. “They're just running all over the neighborhood,” one resident said. Soon, you just don't feel safe in your own yard or driveway. It could soon come to violence. One man said, “I don't swerve to hit them, but if they're in my way look out." Yeah, the whole mess is for the birds...

First, they banned smoking from public conveyances. Then they banned smoking from restaurants, then from bars and casinos. Now they're banning smoking from museums. What's that? You say they did that a while ago? Oh, I'm not talking about the museum's patrons. I'm talking about the historical figures on display! It seems that Winston Churchill's cigars are not welcome. In photographs. They've been airbrushed out. Really.

I saved the best for last this week! Do you have irrational phobias of any sort? Something which scares you to the point where you can't function? A teacher in Germany has such a fear, and her students found out about it. One student, now being charged with harassment, drew a picture of the object of her teacher's fear on the blackboard at the school. "Marion V., who teaches German and Geography, refuses to say if she is actually afraid of rabbits. But when she walked into the classroom and spotted the drawing on the board she burst into tears and fled." Maybe she was traumatized by a viewing of Monty Python & the Holy Grail at a young age?

And the Nuts just keep piling up...

The Squirrel Can Cook – Italian Sausage and Peppers

Regular readers will notice right off that the pictures accompanying today’s recipe were not taken in my squirrelly little kitchen. That is because I cooked this in my Mom’s kitchen. The reason I cooked this is my Mom’s kitchen is because Mrs. Squirrel is allergic to peppers. I don’t cook things with peppers for her. But I like peppers, and my Mom likes peppers, and I spend a couple days each week at my Mom’s, taking care of her lawn and helping her do stuff that needs doin’.

I also cook sometimes.

Today, we’re having Italian Sausage and Peppers. Our ingredients are:

1 pound Italian sausage links
2 large bell peppers
1 white onion
4 Roma tomatoes
4 cloves of garlic
4 servings of Linguini

Cut the peppers and onion thin slices. Also, cook the Linguini according to the package directions.


Boil the sausages for 8 minutes and allow to cool. Remove the casing and slice into ¼ inch thick rounds. In a cast iron skillet, cook the rounds over medium-high heat for 1 to 2 minutes on each side until nicely browned.


Next, let’s get our sauce going. Remove the skin from the tomatoes (I find that a sharp potato peeler works best, but a good paring knife will do) and mash them up really well in a bowl (I used my hands.) Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a small saucepan. Crush the garlic cloves and sauté in the olive oil for a few minutes, and then add the tomatoes. Bring to a soft boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 6 to 8 minutes.


In your cast iron skillet, over medium-high heat, sauté the pepper and onion until it is nice and tender.


Then add the sausage and continue cooking until the sausage is heated through. Now add the sauce that you’ve had simmering quietly off to the side, there. Toss everything together until the sauce coats everything.


Serve over the Linguini. Serves 4. Enjoy!


The Squirrel shall not live by bread NUTS alone!